I have consistently drawn the Fool card since being here. At these dark moments, I struggled within myself, feeling my resolve so powerfully, but also hearing the voices of fear. I also was working on draft 9 of Wayward Son (incidentally, "Carry On Wayward Son" came on as I was writing this blog entry). In this most recent draft, I came to understand that the calling on my life is to be a spiritual leader in this life and that such callings do not come about without some kind of deep personal struggle. So, I made the decision to move forward, not knowing what's coming, but knowing that it will not be teaching or doing any other kind of cage job. I will no longer be a monkey (this is not to say that everyone who works is a chimp, only what I see for myself).
Give me meaning or give me death. My life is no longer worth living if I don't find the reason for which I came into it. I'm finding it, and I'm relieved.