Thursday, August 13, 2009

No One to Say "Let's go..." To


The road to health is a lonely one at times. Indeed, it seems that, for me, over the past couple of years, it's been all about learning to sit in my apartment or room, by myself and be okay that so many other things are going on in the world. This has been one of the most difficult challenges for me and I feel the challenge of it acutely as I approach my final weekend before I go back to working for someone.

It's a time to celebrate, to put a pleasant smile on the days gone by, and to welcome the days to come with good cheer. But I am alone here in Tamashima. My boss is still out of the country and any other person I know in Japan is in another part of Japan. During the initial days, the newness of this place was a kind of companion, but now that things are becoming familiar, I find myself wandering from one hot and muggy room to the next wondering what to do with myself.

This morning greeted me with drier air and cooler temperatures. I've been meaning to go to the beach and I think today is the perfect day to do it. It's only about 1.5 miles away, but I only learned that by looking on Google maps. When I was taken there my second day here, I thought it was in a completely different direction and considerably further away.

After today, my final free Friday, I will be working each Friday and Saturday night. I'll be surrounded by students. I won't be left wondering what I could be doing and what other people are doing. It's a question I've had to learn to take in stride as I face my aloneness each weekend, for those are still the most difficult times. Today, I am alone after a week of vacation. It should be a nice time, but the residual pain of losing someone continues to sting, if only just a little.